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Talking To Russians About Very Specific Things

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"I love Latin American literature and Russian literature. It never occurred to me that Dostoyevsky was supposed to explain something to me. [Audience chuckles] He’s talking to other Russians about very specific things. But it says something very important to me, and was an enormous education for me."
-Toni Morrison
I can't remember what bismuth is, but I remember this litany from school:
Did you write on the assigned topic?
Did you write for the assigned audience?
There were more and they were stupid, too--these were all gimmes in the standardized writing tests they terrorized and still terrorize American schools with. Go "Dear Grandma, I am writing to tell you about the Slavs…" and you've checked those two off.
The problem with these checklist writing tests is they make writing well seem less like thinking well than it really is.
I want to look at this word "audience".
"Who's your audience?" They say.
"Anyone who gets something out of it" is the instinctive answer--and if we're talking about something for sale it's probably true enough.
"Myself" people say sometimes--which is usually true, until you start explaining something. Like if the audience for this blog entry was just me, I wouldn't bother to attribute that quote to Toni Morrison since I already know she said it. Nobody would ever write anything that started "How To…" if the author was the intended audience. When you truly write for yourself alone, you only write things you're scared you'll forget, or need to write down in order to sort out.
Neither of those answers answers addresses "Audience" in the sense Morrison is talking about in her quote. In that sense, it means:
What are the things you assume your readers already know about and care about before they start reading (or playing)?
What kind of people already know about those things or care about them?
Dostoyevsky wrote things certain Russians could be expected to know about. He let everybody else play catch up and read the footnotes, including Toni Morrison. And she--being a writer--knows why you would do that. (If you don't, here's the rest of what she said. It's an autodownload.)
So while I could say the audience for Vornheim is "Anybody who can get anything out of it" the audience I'm sharing assumptions with is: "People already playing D&D-like RPGs who are-, or would like to be-, comfortable creating original content for their game".
Anxieties that were essentially audience-based have been around as long as there have been RPGs. Right there in the first OD&D book (called "Men & Magic"--audience-baitingly enough) tells you what elf stats are like without telling you what an elf even is first. Assumptions were made.
I go to the trouble to point out what may seem obvious because I think most everything controversial in RPGs is clearer if we look at these things through the lens of disagreements about who the assumed audience for a piece of game writing or game behavior is. People use the word "context"--and use it poorly and vaguely--when maybe they should be saying "audience".
You create content for your players. (And they create it for each other.) That's your audience.
You put that same content on a blog, that's a bigger, but maybe non-overlapping audience.
You put it in a book and sell it, that's a probably-overlapping maybe-bigger maybe-smaller audience.
Then you get that same content discussed as a possible ambassador for the hobby to new initiates on a mass level and that's a whole other audience.
…and I think that a big problem is people have a tendency to talk about those audiences as if they're all the same and all need to be told the same things. They all need to be told the truth, but they don't need to hear the same bits of the truth emphasized. Even with everything internettable, not everything you do needs to represent everything that can be done all the time.
For instance: The fact that girls can play games just like boys can is unequivocally true.
12-year-olds need to be told that. These ladies…

…do not, so we have the freedom to move on to things we don't already know about. When I write game stuff it is--essentially--for them. They are the end-users. So my game stuff is going to be about those other things we don't already know about.

But I'm not really advocating for a position as much as trying to change the way we talk about the positions we take. I don't have any bigger point than: I'd like to see people think about audience a little harder, and talk about different audiences a little more.
Maybe I haven't said very much--but I hope it's the beginning of a conversation.
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Some Leopards

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"4."
"5! I go first…"
"Bring it."
"So the wolves charge from both sides toward the middle of the column and attack Hellhammer."
"Wait, all of them?"
"Yes, all of them. That's…5 hits for…22 point of damage…"
"Why are they all attacking me?"
"That's a good question. Try a Bushcraft roll…"
"I can't, I'm dead."

The animals of the Devoured Land are not like ordinary animals. Things are here as the once were and will be again--beasts intrigue like gods and understand our languages, though they generally refuse to speak, as they consider us low-caste, inessential and hideous. They hate dogs with the passion of the betrayed, and horses strike them as preening rubes.

SNOW LEOPARDS

At some point in the last century, a breeding pair of these cats imported from the East and intended for a foppish zoo escaped on the road from Rottingkroner. They have adapted well, and have learned to hunt in packs. The males have crystalline teeth. Females now prize the taste of the hands of Amazons. Honestly, they have no time for the local animals and their bullshit and just want to be left alone and/or eat them.

TYPICAL SNOW LEOPARD 
HD 4 HP 20 Speed Human Armor As leather+shield
Attack
3 attacks per round
-Claw: +4 to hit d4hp
-Bite: +4 to hit d8hp (Only one bite per round)
-If two claw attacks land on the same target in the same round, the leopard may make two more claw attacks on its turn.
(These stats are pretty much AD&D Monster Manual stuff)

-Defense
-Snow Leopards in the Devoured Land cannot be charmed or deceived by Western magic.

-Special
-Stealth: 4 in 6.

TRANSCENDING MASSACRE

Wants her territory free of any lifeform larger than a rabbit. She might negotiate toward this end if there's anything left to negotiate with after her drift's initial (terrifying, strategic) pounce. She has noticed that humans tend to flee when their fingers are removed, and so has learned to target them.

Unusual stats:
HD 6 HP 30 
Attack:
-Finger-bite: +6 to hit d4 hp, target loses one finger per hp of damage--counts as two attacks. These do not come back with ordinary Cure Wounds spells--they require regeneration or the like. (Only one bite per round)
-Special
-Stealth: 3 in 6.

UNFOLDING-AND-IMMANENT-MERCY

Perhaps in response to the echo of an ancestral imperative, the leopards that attend Unfolding-And-Immanent-Mercy strike primarily at merchant caravans.
Unusual stats:
HP 24 

ALL-SHALL-FALL

The cats of All-Shall-Fall's drift come quietly, never revealing their number, widely dispersed. They seek to subtly terrorize and disorient--a leopard may attack once, then flee--or the drift may shadow the party for an hour, at the edge of the lines of sight in every direction, anything to unnerve intruders.

Unusual stats:
HP 24

-Special

-Stealth: 5 in 6.
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Anna Kreider Is Actually Terrible

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If you can read this Anna Kreider / Wundergeek / Go Make Me A Sandwich blog is harassing me, the women in my group, or both. Again. Here is Mandy describing how and why this happens and what you can do to stop it.

Anna is wrong. I do not know anyone who knows her well enough to say whether she knows when she responds to this (source: here) (April 2012) with this that she is distorting information.

That is: I don't know if she is consciously lying or just unable to tell lie from fact.

Like in today's blog, she claims on the one hand she never attacked us and then immediately links to a page where she falsely accuses me of shit.

"I have from time-to-time written about Zak in an anonymized fashion(i.e. "I have attacked Zak and his game group"), such as my original Gaming as Women post. But in each instance I attempted to file all of the serial numbers off of the incidents, and have always said when doing so that people SHOULD NOT name the person being discussed if they are aware of the circumstances being discussed."

Like not using the words "Zak S" somehow makes it not an attack anymore?

Like the people who harassed me and the women in my group didn't consistently link to her "Rebellious Artist" post as "evidence" we did something wrong?

Anna supported their harassment. Straight up. Every second of her life she didn't erase that post and the false claims in it, she was supporting it more.

Another example:

She goes out of her way to point out that I used her real name. Of course I did--the person I was talking to introduced her into the conversation (out of nowhere) and only used her real name. Her real name was the only name in the conversation. He said he wanted to put a product he disliked to "The Anna Kreider test", I responded (basically, full text linked above) that was kind of like the Phyllis Schlafly test.

Check the link if you think I am lying.

She also denies spreading or supporting the Something Awful libel article in a post where she links to the libel article and a retweet that supports the claims in it.

You can't really get more reality-blind than that.

The rest of what she's saying has long ago been debunked. No-one has ever come forward to dispute that.

You don't have to pick who to believe, either. I will answer any question and will provide any evidence if asked. You may ask anonymously here. Anna, on the other hand, has made it a point of pride not to provide evidence.

Or just believe the victim: us.

So if you want to believe her: that's ok. But know you are believing her because you want to, not because you actually checked anything.
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We're DIY D&D. We Do Good Work.

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Yoon-Suin is out. This may mean nothing to you. To you it means (in the author's own words):

Tibet, yak ghosts, ogre magi, mangroves, Nepal, Arabian Nights, Sorcery!, Bengal, invertebrates, topaz, squid men, slug people, opiates, slavery, human sacrifice, dark gods, malaise, magic.

I am excited about this because Noisms has been blogging about Yoon Suin for ages and it was the first DIY D&D setting I saw that did something truly new while maintaining its own feel throughout. Plus having Matthew Adams on the art is kind of a dream come true. This is no Oriental Adventures style pastiche, this is a fever dream of a fantastic pseudo-Asia. And anybody who reads his blog Noisms thinks about mechanics and presentation, too, so the book is going to be useful at the table, not just inspirational. Here's a review that says what I'd say. Here is one describing the contents in detail. Buy it.

This is what I use as the Exotic East in my home game.

This is 100% the kind of book the PROBLEMATIC CONTENT!!! Squad would've trashed had it come out a year ago. But this is the Year of the Goat and they are all gone now, since they fucked up so bad harassing us over 5th edition .

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Fire On The Velvet Horizon is out. This is the insane folk-art D&D that the world needs and is too wretched to deserve. It's by Scrap Princess and False Patrick, and, unlike, Yoon-Suin, it has not been a long time company. This is a stunning vortex of words and art hot on the heels of their extremely well-received (like: nobody doesn't like it) adventure Deep Carbon Observatory.

They have a fancy expensive book by a major indie publisher coming out soon and you'll be kicking yourself you didn't get these when they were cheap.

This is 100% the kind of book the Oh Noes Not Up To My Precious Precious Indie Font Nazi Standards Squad would've trashed had it come out a year ago. But this is the Year of the Goat and they are all gone now, since they fucked up so bad harassing us over 5th edition.

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And lastly and not leastly, Stacy Dellorfano and Contessa--the people who brought you the best online gaming convention in the world--are organizing events for Gen Con and they have a call for women to come run games.  They've done an amazing job making RPGs less boring ever since they showed up, here's an opportunity to help out.

This is 100% a group of women who have had to weather the Oh No Not Being A Feminist The Right Way! Squad trashing them a year ago. But this is the Year of the Goat and they are all gone now, since they fucked up so bad harassing us over 5th edition.

The Arch

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note to self: write spooky intro text here

Ok, so this is a simple one, you can use it in any dungeon.

There's a library or a room full of fireflies--and an arch.

On the far side of the arch there's stairs and at the bottom of the stairs a pile of people--dead on top, skeletons on the bottom, maybe some monster bites.

On the near side is your party.

Go through the arch, you get zapped with a mindstatic feedback, have a seizure, pitch forward join the pile. No save. Unconscious on top of dead people.

Party scout will probably find this out the hard way.

The bolt attacks the conscious mind. The only way to get past is by going through without any conscious mind. Basically you can get through it asleep or unconscious. Monks can go through on a successful will save or wis check or whatever mechanic you want.

One clue is the screen is used to catalogue your thoughts as you hit it. They get turned into (firefly room) a firefly or (library room) a book. Anybody reading the books or casting Speak With Insects (is that a thing? Speak with Animals. Whatever.) will find the last thought is "Ok, I'm gonna try to go through this arch…"
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Some Native American D&Dables

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Cannibal Bird


If a Cannibal Bird is fated to appear and quick motivation is needed, a d20 may be thrown to determine what exactly the creature thinks it's up to:
  1. Hunting humans to eat. It will likely attack.
  2. Feasting on corpses. If the party was looking for someone, here they are.
  3. Harassing a cannibal. The bird is tormenting a Cannibal Dancer or Untamed Wind for its own amusement.
  4. Reminiscing"I remember you, or perhaps an ancestor, hm... Tell me the story of when I last met you, man-thing."
  5. Bored. Simply bored, the creature will banter until it gets hungry.
  6. Acting out an ancient drama. The Wind that Bites from the Dark once instrumented a great calamity here, or slew a great hero. The bird wishes to reenact this, and you arrived just in time to facilitate. Roll reaction to determine how dangerous a role it has in mind.
  7. Making war. There are two cannibal birds here either fighting each other or engaging in a contest (roll again to determine its character).
  8. Witnessing savagery. The bird has heard of a great cruelty or tragedy, natural or man-made, occurring or about to occur, which it wishes to observe. If none manifests it will create one, figuring that it itself must be the cause, though it did not know this beforehand.
  9. Destroying man-made objects. The bird is tearing down buildings, defacing sculptures, altering trail signs, or otherwise warping humanity's mark on the environment.
  10. Dressing itself in grave goods. The beast is pulling clothing from a corpse or pile of refuse, which it will proceed to wear incorrectly. It solicits opinions on its aspect from any onlookers. Anything other than excessive flattery angers it.
  11. Hiding and observing. You are being watched really obviously, but without interference. It is far too big to hide behind that bush, or far too humanoid to perch on that branch. It leaves after a few turns, but only if unacknowledged.
  12. Pretending to be a human. The bird wants to play at being a headman; you will be the slaves. It wants you to construct a makeshift village out of found materials (or occupy an abandoned one) and go through the drudgery of daily life. In a day or two it will get bored and just wander off.
  13. Telling a lie. There is a very specific thing it needs to tell to you and only you. This thing is absolutely untrue; assuming otherwise leads to catastrophe.
  14. Building something. The bird is constructing a sculpture or effigy (d6: 1. giant spiky nest, 2. wicker man, 3. intricate maze, 4. wooden cages dangling from branches, 5. mosaic of many colors, 6. elaborate gauntlet of traps and snares) from detritus & human remains. It may ask a critique, or force intruders to assist in finding the perfect finishing piece.
  15. Doesn't remember"I have forgotten my purpose here. You tell me." It attacks if the answer is completely against its nature but otherwise follows the instruction exactly.
  16. Asking questions. The bird has questions about the nature of humanity. It has no context whatsoever with which to understand the answer and will become frustrated and angry when it doesn't.
  17. Learning to be a human"Teach me to be like you." It copies the player's actions exactly, becoming angry if the player performs an action it cannot.
  18. Collecting shinies"You have many shiny objects. Give me all of them." All of these are immediately put to use as self-adornment, or littered on the ground (equal chance).
  19. Starting fires. The bird starts a fire, fans it with its wings, watches it burn for a moment or a day, and then puts it out again, over and over and over. It only acknowledges intruders if interrupted.
  20. Singing to the sky. Carrion birds circle overhead as the bird caws a semi-intelligible tune at the sky. Any human copying the song finds that it incites birds to attack them suddenly, which causes the Cannibal Bird to laugh. It attacks if any of these birds are injured, but does not otherwise do harm. The song continues to work long after the meeting but cannot be taught to others.
Like that?

I didn't write it. Antion did. He is one of the best writers in RPGs. It's from his blog Straits of Anian.

Here's the rest:

Four of these imperious beings, the most coherent pieces of the Cannibal Wind to coalesce from her corpse after its dispersal, are known. Each with obvious vanity claims to be a singular and unique entity, though there are reports of the same bird appearing in multiple places at once or successively at great distance.

All Cannibal Birds inflict Soul Loss on a damage roll of 6 and may summon freezing winds as a Superhero of the Dance of the Cannibal Wind. Each may also vary its size, often appearing quite small, or take on human form. Occasionally they appear in disturbing intermediate states, as if they cannot quite recall what separates man from bird. Human forms always receive the bonuses of cannibal frenzy without any associated restriction on behavior or appearance. Each cannibal bird has been slain several times, though they always reappear. Nothing known can slay them permanently.

Their names and shapes are:

Łətiʔən (Poison Hummingbird) the Skin-Stripper, who appears as:
• a thick-beaked hummingbird the size of a large dog, its face smeared with gore, or
• a small child crying and covered with what appears to be blood but is in fact a corrosive resin.
[HD 6, AC 4(15), Bite d6 plus save or d6 poison, 1-3 acid damage on touch.]

Kəykəẃəqəs (Corpses Crow) the Eye-Plucker, who appears as:
• two wicked-looking crows nearly man-sized moving in oddly mirrored motions, or
• a pair of twin youths, one boy and one girl, who finish each other's sentences and are both compulsive liars.
[HD 8, AC 5(14), Bite d6, two bodies acting independently with a single Hit Point pool.]

Huqʷhuqʷ (Crane Cackle) the Skull-Cracker, who appears as:
• a monstrous crane, fully 12ft tall on its stilt legs, that thrusts its beak at foes from above seeking to split open skulls, or
• an uncannily tall, long-fingered man of meticulous aspect & grim humor who may be plied with brains, which he finds delectable.
[HD 8, AC 5(14), Bite d6+4 reach 10ft.]

Qəčanuł (Crooked Beak) the Flesh-Tearer, who appears as:
• an ogre-sized bird of glittering iridescence with fancifully twisted beak, rigid forms writhing under its flesh as if it had all the wrong bones & each jockeying for a position of prominence, its uncanny bite twisting and snapping in all directions at once, or
• a hunchbacked crone with snaggletoothed smile, feigning weakness despite terrible strength.
[HD 10, AC 3(16), Bite d6+2, attacks all targets in range each turn.]

Cannibal Birds are most commonly seen at sites of great carnage feasting on corpses, though they may also appear anywhere in the deep wilds pursuing enigmatic ends. Though not always hostile, they are extremely capricious, and unless other interests prevail reactions should be checked anew each turn of interaction. Encounters almost inevitably end with their hunger awakened, but clever mortals occasionally escape unharmed if they figure out what game the bird is at fast enough to play along.

    Treasure: Those that play along and do not irritate the Cannibal Bird receive a gift when it departs. Roll d6:
    1-3. Twigs, leaves, and assorted detritus. Seemingly useless. A thorough search may reveal 4d6gp in coins and salvageable goods hidden in the trash. Or not.
    4-5. Pile of suspicious meats. Strangely delectable and sweet-smelling. Equivalent to 2d6 days rations. Infects any human eating it with an Untamed Wind, other creatures are sickened (-2 to all actions). Remains perfectly preserved for a month, then rots away in moments.

    6. A random magic item. Appears old and ill-used, but functional. If a magic weapon is rolled, it is automatically intelligent and possessed of a murderous avian spirit, which seeks to desecrate flesh and tear down civilization.

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    If you're interested in some eminent D&Dable realworld history check this out. Did you know the Russians fought the Tlingit?

    "
    He later laments that when they do, his cannonballs keep bouncing off the Tlingit fort. It was a mystery to the Russians, but not to the Kiks.ádi. They had watched the way a cannonball’s direct hit shattered seasoned wood. For this reason, Shís’ghi Noow’s walls had been built of saplings whose green and pliant wood offered a certain amount of give. The timbers were also angled and braced to disperse shock down and away, redirecting balls into pits dug to catch them. Coming ashore after the battle, Lisiansky writes that he gathered at least 150 cannonballs from around the fort walls.
    "
    Vanessa Veselka (novelist and D&D player--she played a thief with us) tells the story here and if you want to read the rest it's 3.99$.

    Have fun.

    (Crow picture from here)
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    They Are Like A Shadow In The Afternoon

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    So I was going through the Monster Manual redoing all of the monsters…then I got to blights.

    I hate blights. So boring. I mean: I'll use a creeper vine if I got nothing else, or this grabbing tentacle grass Moebius drew…
    But they're just not interesting to me. I mean--moving plant monsters.
    The Alan Moore idea that the plant monster doesn't know it's a plant is interesting. But that kind of thing doesn't really translate to gains at the table for the thing as a foe. I mean--one of them could be that way and you could build a whole drama around this Arcimboldo fucker who keeps trying to live a normal life and terrifying the village. But I already did that with the Hollow Bride--which I like much better.

    Anyway point is I have no will to improve or examine blights--and for that I apologize. In compensation, here are like 60 plant monsters people made up when I first hit my blight block.

    Seriously--they're good. I like Anthony's fetus in a pumpkin.

    So, I am defeated and will just skip to the next monster…

    Bugbears. Fuck.

    What do you do with that? It isn't a bug it isn't a bear. I always think of this guy:

    I got enough going on in my life that making that scary seems like some whole extra masochistic suck.

    Bugbear:
    noun
    1.
    any source, real or imaginary, of needless fright or fear.
    2.
    a persistent problem or source of annoyance.
    3.
    Folklore. a goblin that eats up naughty children.

    -Dictionary.com

    So this is like a farmer-scaring monster. Which would be fine if we didn't already have goblins, hobgoblins, trolls, ogres…it's a crowded niche.

    Josh Billings said, in his book "Animated Natur"

    Natral History has its myths and its ghosts, az well az enny boddy else, and foremost among these iz — the buggbear. 
    The bugg bear iz born from an imaginary edd and iz hatched by an imaginary process. 
    They are like a shadow in the afternoon, always a good deal bigger than the thing that easts it. 
    They are compozed ov two entirely different animals, the bugg and the bear but generally turn out to be pretty much all bug. 
    They are like the assetts on a bankrupt broker, the more you examine them, the smaller they grow. 
    I have known them tew cum out ov a hole like a mice, and grow in tew minnits az big az an elephant, and then run back agin into the same hole they cum out ov. 
    They are like a young wild pigeon in their habits, the biggest when they are first born. 
    They are common to all country s and all peoples, the philosophers hav seen them az often az the children hav, and ben as badly skared by them. 
    They are az innocent az a rag doll, but are az fall ov deviltry az a jack lantern. 
    Bugg bears are az plenty in this world az pins on the side walks, but noboddy ever sees them but those folks who are alwus hunting for them. 

    So he was drunk.

    Here's a picture of one from the play The Buggbear:

    Obviously drawn by someone drunk.

    I need a drink. Hold on…

    Keepp holding on.

    Ok, on further reflection and my third Dr Peper, Dr Pepper Imean and rum. That sounds dumb: "Rum and Cherry Dr Pepper "I mean, I have decided this:

    The buggbear is likt hat ogre cannibal guy up there with the saddle shoes on.

    So the bugbear sneaks around and eats babies. And had some kind of bad gremlin magic.

    You can only see him if you are drunk. But--the more drunker you are the bigger he does become. And the higher level spells he can cast. Also he could eat gooses.

    See!
    Alright.

    Thank you all for your time, next time is bullettes!
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    Controversial Figure In American Playful Landscape

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    So the eminent gameologist Jerome Larre asked me to participate in his game design series "5 Things I Learned Working On..." for the French gaming site Tartofrez--previous participants include Emily Care-Boss, of Breaking the Ice and some French RPG authors behind games like Inflorenza and Brigade Chimérique.

    Since much of this is stuff I think I have already said on this blog, I thought I'd spice it up by posting not my original text (which you can read here if you're into the whole clarity thing ), but Google translate's fantastically creative retranslation of Jerome Larre's French translation of my English:



    5 Tips: Red & Pleasant Land

    RPLAs the excellent Vornheim before him, Red & Pleasant Land is a supplement for the least original for the game Lamentations of the Flame Princess . Built on the same approach, namely the proliferation of tools and tables to generate massive amounts of content rather than the description of a unique vision in stone, this supplement is tackling a whole country: Country wonders. If you play DnD or one of its clones, I know too advise you to take a look. Even if you do not use that as an inspiration is once again with Vornheim a playbook model filled to the brim with equipment directly playable.
    About the author, S. Zak is an understatement to say that this is a controversial figure in American playful landscape. Having been initially known for his show I hit it with my shaft and his websiteDnD with pornstars , for several years he is regularly at the center of several controversies. The most ridiculous of all is to blame Wizards of the coast to have done part in the latest edition of DnDWe will do simple: it is not the subject today or will be tomorrow.By cons, if I asked to kindly participate in it "5 Things" is because I find that it produces very marked supplements with real style, particularly effective and playable. In general, it also has some interesting thoughts that are permitted by a freedom of tone and thought it particularly welcome at a time when it is difficult to publicly agree or disagree with someone without forces us to have to take the card of a particular chapel.
    Besides, I want to copy here the warning that I put in the English version of the interview on the last of his 5 tips: 
    + this post expresses the views of Zak S. Not mine; 
    it + said, I am delighted that he expresses them here and thank him; 
    + if anyone wants to express a different opinion on how a particular community helped on a specific project, you only need to write a " 5 tips "on it and I'll probably just as happy to publish it. The multiplicity of perspectives is part of the very concept of this series of posts, 
    + While the objective of tartofrez is not and will never be the cares of internal policy designers RPG US, I feel that this last point is particularly interesting that we, French often have a tendency to see the US scene as a monolithic and homogeneous whole.
    In short, Zak just share 5 tips that he learned in Bossant on   Red & Pleasant Land  !
    To discover Red & Pleasant Land  : http://goo.gl/eZXg6G 
    To discover the site of Zak:  DnD with pornstars

    0. Introduction

    Red & Pleasant Land has sold very well. Within two weeks, he told me enough to pay a little more than a year's rent in downtown Los Angeles. In addition, every week, I receive messages from people who explain to me that they were able to use it to do things that I had not anticipated. More importantly, I continue to use it during my weekly sessions. This is the "thing gamer" produced independently which quickly sold this season.
    This success allowed me to make sure that the 5 tips below were based.

    1. Do not do things fairly well. Make them good!

    In large companies RPGs, someone order something, another writing, then they return both at home and a third person did the illustrations. And it's even someone else - who has also often never played an RPG in his life - which is responsible for the layout. Conversely, small boxes, a person who wants to design a game does and then handles all other tasks, but in a somewhat mediocre because its main objective is primarily to demonstrate that it can design one game. Or go out on time.
    In practice, this means that each product is usually about someone, somewhere in the chain wanted to do. More or less. And people read it and say it's almost good. But even those who wrote it does not use it.
    I must say that things that are pretty much what you want, they already exist. If you want to play almost in the style of a book by Thomas Ligotti (an American horror writer), you can use Call of Cthulhu . If you want to about the District 9 , you Cyberpunk . In short, your new only useful if it is very widely and relentlessly new and specific. It should be exactly what you had in mind, right down to the last detail illustrations, rules or presentation. She has no interest if she just look like it would any RPG book dealing with the same theme. Your readers do not want to buy yet another game, just to learn the rules. They want to continue to play the games they already love, that is why they are part of the community.
    So, do something that is so irresistible - at all levels - that reason comes more into play!

    2. Write on a topic for which you are willing to read up

    I have not had to read Lewis Carroll to write Red & Pleasant Land . I had the pleasure to read Lewis Carroll to write Red & Pleasant Land . Resume each passage by asking me, "How do I make a new monster? "Was great fun. Almost a game in itself. If you do not have fun you documenting a priori it means that you should be writing something else.
    Once I had the idea (probably a bit silly) to make a game in the style of D & D that could have been summed up against Dracula Elizabeth Bathory in Wonderland. The ideas have multiplied during preparation. Of course, Elizabeth Bathory resumed the role of the Queen of Heart. Obviously, valet Cœurqui stole her pies was a high-level thief. The puddings were true puddings (types of monsters) in the largest donjonesque tradition, etc.
    If you read a dense material interesting, well written and exciting, if it has a voice of its own, the ideas will multiply in your head. If your documentation is to browse some texts that do not excite you, they do not inspire you more. There are a few years, I have learned as a painter that if you did not like the phones it was better not to have them appear on the image. It's exactly the same with writing. Do not write on a subject you do not want to read (or at least you do not want to find out one way or another ... if your game speaks parachute, bail !).
    The documentation should not be an obligation. If there are parts of your project that you did not like to discover, this will feel and the best is to remove them directly. Anyone can do his homework. We, we want only the parts that you loved.

    3. The graphic design is terrible. And, yes, it counts.

    You know the difference between a book and a blog post? You can have the same mechanical and even the same images, but a blog that will make thousands of people fly over your ideas a book where they will read them, criticize them, talk with, will play and you send emails to their subject.
    Why? This is not really due to printing or paper, as many people now buy PDF. So where does that come from? Graphic design and information management. This makes the object easier to use when you're actually playing. This is very important, a game book must be both a book and a component of that same game.
    The problem is that the layout takes time. An eternity. Red & Pleasant Land was completely illustrated and written two years before the model is complete. And it is far from the only book in this case. I saw the full text of Broodmother Sky Fortress there are years when the game is still not out. Why?Because graphic design is hell incarnate and it takes forever.
    The reasons are partly economic. Most designers are working on several projects at once and roleplayers commands simply pay enough to climb to the top of the stack.
    What you can do? Unless you instruct personally problems are ahead and be as explicit as possible. Do not rely on the designer to remember that this tea cup should be positioned next to the sheep. Draw the cup and sheep on the same piece of paper. Otherwise, you'll need three more weeks for the change to take effect and that the designer put the cup next to the sheep. But it's not his fault. This week he has eight other assholes to manage, with eight other cups and eight sheep.

    4. Most of the tips are zero, but are not tips

    Here's a tip given to me by one of the authors freelancers less respected in the world of the game: " As much as possible, do not answer directly to criticism. At best, it's a zero-sum game that will change anyone's opinion. At worst, it still makes you look like a moron over the person who criticizes you. "
    Other opinions: 
    + " Girls do not play D & D! Do not waste time writing for them ! 
    + " Do not write an additional D & D Alice in Wonderland! This has already been done! " 
    + " Be nice to the guys that crap about women in your group. They are also customers! " 
    + " Do not write games for the old. The rules do not work. Women and young people do not play . 
    + " Find a graphic design works and copy it! " 
    + " You need _____ on your blanket. "
    All those who gave me this advice supposed to help me sell my book wrong. It is now a fact. No matter who it was. I did the opposite of what they told me and my book has sold more than theirs. And I'm not even a designer game. The reason is that they gave me was not really advice, but just their opinion.Some particularly social misfits like idiots formulate their opinions as advice or general truths to give them more strength, so that you do not be afraid to do what they want you to do. It is quite possible to give advice based on facts and experience - I hope this is what I'm doing - but they did nothing of the sort.
    So when someone tells you that what you do will not work, ask a proof. If you can not provide it, follow the advice of William Burroughs: Do not say anything nice to inadequate social gamer; it's a bottomless pit. Tell him firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this nonsense - you are an idiot of the worst kind. »

    5. The independent community is appalling, but that does not matter.

    Since almost the beginning of the Internet, people are talked about RPGs table. Many members of the indie community is always been there but have not managed to do anything. They created a strange dynamic: the more they fail, the longer they hang around on forums (etc.), the more one identifies as a voice-to-day, plus they make friends in agreement and are streamed online. In other words, they spent more time to fear the rod, they get more respect. It is the biggest fish of a tiny dry pond.
    But the good news is that these people just do not matter. At all. Just before my book came out, I inveighed one of the main and oldest Voice-who-have editing RPG Indie: Fred Hicks ( FATE , Evil Hat, etc.). The latter had thrown a conservative attack in good standing against gambling Kingdom DeathFrench readers are perhaps unaware, but Americans are sometimes frantically conservative on everything related to sexuality, even those who claim the left. This is particularly exacerbated in the community gamer because many RPG American indie designers have never slept with anyone, or, I suppose, only with farm animals. To give you an idea, look at what did Tipper Gore in music or Frederic Wertham in comics.
    Still, Hicks and his friends then orchestrated a campaign of harassment misogynist with some forum trolls who accused us of bizarre crimes against people taking women in my group. All those who have had a day against something that porn actresses playing D & D got involved. These sexist attacks began this summer and continue today. In short, not only independent community did not support me or do not talk about my project, but has actively worked against me. Even the designers of indie games that had purchased and enjoyed the game was afraid to talk about it and it attracts them problems with their friends.
    Looking at the sales figures, it looks like they have helped me more than anything else. They bark but do not bite. They are harmless. So yes, do what you want and do not let shit in the boots.
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    It Was 2015. They Hated Things.

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    I just googled "I hate (name of game here)" and put the first result that came up.

    I told him that I hated 13th Age, but he claimed that it has gotten much better with the second iteration of the playtest and sent me the doc. I opened it and went right to the "Blur spell, and sure enough it's still a percentage miss chance. Once again, I immediately deleted the doc, wrote the game off as an utter piece of garbage and told my former friend to lose my contact info, before deleting him from my facebook friend's list.

    I hate D&Ds combat system.  Hey guys. So I've got a problem. I hate the combat system of D&D, and my players do as well. I feel like it is just slow and boring. We are having a great time role playing and doing story stuff, which is awesome. Then for whatever reason we need to switch over to a combat encounter, which almost feels like a different game.

    "i hate world of darkness and i hate everyone who likes world of darkness and you have to work your fucking ASS off to prove you’re an exception to me" I especially hate how proudly the fandom and devs both run right back into the arms of racist shit they already “apologozed” (sic) for instead of trying to actually move past it.

    I hate Rifts quite a bit, but Wormwood is a fantastic supplement that I've transferred over to both a Dark Sun and an Apocolypse (sic) World game.

    Now, I hate Shadowrun with a passion, so can someone please explain the appeal? If you like the Cyberpunk Genre, you would play Cyberpunk and stay true to it, if you want to be a combat twink you would play Shadowrun? Please, I don't understand.  [Disclaimer: Yes I really am sorta trying to start a flamewar. But the question is legitimate, my entire gaming group is confused by the appeal of Shadowrun.  On that note. FIGHT!]

    Not because I have a grudge, but because I already have an edition that's awesome. If I hate 5e, my decision will be that much easier!

     Why should anyone have reason vote for what is nothing more than an extended joke to make money deserve an award. I hate Hackmaster. Best RPG of 2001? You have to be F*CKING kidding --get a grip. Best RPG of 2001? Somebody rationalise that. Go on. I dare you. You cannot. There is no way that you can. Hackmaster and its eight Monster sodding Manuals? That's called a rip off. By the way... I should not type this. I am drunk.

    I hate 3.5 wildshape.

    I hate Marvel Heroic, but the Doom Pool mechanic was interesting enough in concept I'd like to see it revisited somewhere else.

    To be perfectly honest, I hate Star Wars. I think the movies [are bad] and are completely uninteresting. But this book is a different story altogether. It brings to life what the movies can't. The writing is superb. Highly Recommended!! (Review of WOTC's Star Wars Heroes' Guide, 2003)

    Yeah, I hate retroclones too, such shitty copies of REAL D&D.
    (I think this one was sarcastic)

    I Hate Feng Shui
    No, I actually don't. But I need advice. I am part of an incredibly small gaming group (three total players including myself). One guy loves investigations, mysteries, and character interaction, while the other pretty much just likes to kill things. I'm somewhere in the middle, I guess. 

    I like Ken Hite's work (I bought Trail even though I hate Gumshoe). 

    Basically I'm just taking the Tager concept and making a nWoD fansplat out of it because I fucking loved them (what >>35716959 said) but I hate CthulhuTech's clunky bullshit system that rips off the worst parts of oWoD and Exalted. Then adds DICE POKER.

    Actually, I hate 4E because, flat out, it doesn't allow me to build the characters I want.

     I hate Dungeon World's lack of clarity, and well not being able to roll dice as a GM makes me feel useless.

    I hate Gamma World. I like postapocalyptic, but GW is postapocalyptic the way Tomb of Horrors is medieval fantasy. A friend and I actually had Jim Ward run a game of Gamma World for us at a con and it sucked and I refuse to say any more about it.

    For the record, I don't hate C&C. I have never said that I hate C&C. What I do dislike, rather strongly, is the One True Wayism of a lot of C&C players (who have accused me of OTWism, but it's simply not true; I acknowledge my preferences as preferences, not laws of nature). I think it's an interesting game, fun in its own way, useful for certain purposes. Those purposes, to me, do not include campaign play.

    i hate champions: im sorry i just dont like this kind of rpg anyone recommend a good one for about 30 bucks???
    (sic)

    So, I hate Rolemaster but I love MERP. 

    I hate MERP with a fiery passion. It's the system that ensured that my wife never wants to be involved in any RPGs ever again, after being forced through character gen for the first time ever by some friends, who thought it was the ultimate RPG. Since I hadn't played it myself, I wasn't able to warn them that it was far too complex for someone as maths-phobic as she is.


    This is why I hate Eclipse Phase.

    I hate Apocalypse World, because it's ruined all other Roleplaying (sic) games for me.

    Why i Hate Warhammer: Fantasy
    Because I want all the armies. I love my High Elves and Ogres, but I also want Skaven, Orcs and Goblins, Dwarfs, Tomb Kings, Wood Elves, Chaos (both Daemons and Warriors), Lizardmen, and Vampire Counts. I could play any of those armies quite happily. 

    The reason I hate WFRP 3 is that they killed something great for something mediocre. 

    Which is exactly why I hate Call of Cthulhu.
    Sanity.
    Should not.
    Be.
    A statistic.

    I Hate FATE
    Well, not FATE per se.  It’s a handy enough little minimalist game system.  But I hate all the FATE fanboys.

    Why I hate Warhammer Fans. I think it should be obvious by now that while I really like Warhammer 40,000, I can't stand the fans. 

    Too bad I hate Dark Heresy's (and the other 40k FFG RPGs) mechanics.

    So yeah in short: I hate Pathfinder. While I'm here and since I'm a notoriously bad roller: I hate Traveller. Just let me play my character concept.

    I hate Burning Wheel, but this is a really cool idea. Never thought of it like this before. 

    No results found for "i hate vornheim".

    And when it's time to spend karma on rolls, I hate FASERIP.

    I hate AD&D and let me tell you why. 9 out of 10 HANDPICKED idiots who suggested reasons for this or that aren't as good as I am at finding fault with the HANDPICKED reasons - though I won't dare touch the good suggestions, or offer exhaustive counter POVs for the majority of justifications given for the rules. Get Real.
    (I think this was sarcastic, hard to tell.)

    I hate Dogs in the Vineyard and Wushu. Hate. Them. If I could give them voices, light them on fire and listen to them scream as they burned, it would give me pleasure.

    Power-Driving in Roleplaying Campaigns (or why I hate Exalted even more).

    I hate Pendragon because although it's fantasy but it still uses a map of Britain, implying it's history.

    You know what I hate? Marvel Super Heroes. See, there's this one guy called Mephisto who is super powerful and wants to corrupt my character from the very start. And he has all sorts of attacks and resources to pretty much do whatever he wants.
    (Sarcastic again. They was trying to prove a point about Exalted, I think.)

    Re: Why I hate Traveller

    I hate 40k because I disagree with how gw does business11%[ 29 ]
    I hate 40k because the prices are outrageous9%[ 24 ]
    I hate 40k because the rules are crap11%[ 29 ]
    I hate 40k because all of my friends have been driven away from playing due to one of the hate options  3%

    I am probably one of the few people who will say this. I hate Werewolf.

    Savage Worlds? Darn... I hate Savage Worlds. :(
    Oh well, doesn't mean I don't still love you guys. Just that I won't support the RPG.

    And I hate Ars Magica grognards who hate 3rd edition.

     I was pissed that I bought it because I could not make any sense out of it at all. I even understood Wraith better than Changeling, and I hate Wraith also. 

     I hate Blue Rose and Exalted, for what it's worth, but if they work for a certain type of audience and expand the hobby, great. 

    I hate GURPS magic alot too. I'd recommend just using Superpowers for spells instead. Pay the price of the Superpower/Level to acquire the  ...

    I Hate Traveller. I don't actively play the game anymore but I haven't given up on it altogether.  In fact in my pursuit of becoming a science fiction author I use the Traveller rules in all its versions as a framework for sanity attempting to keep the science in science fiction.  

    Well, I dunno if I'd say I hate Vampire. No, check that--I wouldn't. Hate's an awfully strong word, and frankly, anyone who can work themselves up to genuine hatred over a game needs some serious anger management classes, IMO. That said: I don't particularly enjoy the game, and here's why:

    [Missing image file: 1361376150264.jpg]
    This is why I hate Mutants and Masterminds.
    I have never meat (sic) a group not shitty enough to pull their shit together and avoid pic related.
    (4chan--no idea what the picture is)

    After all this, I wouldn't say that I hate Numenera. I just was expecting more. There's nothing that stands out as being new or innovative, either with the setting or the system. It's not bad, there is just nothing about it that stands out at all.

    But I hate LOTFP and OSR. I just think that people should know that, well, THEY LET A FUCKING CHILD RAPIST ON THEIR STAFF AND ARE PUTTING REFERRAL LINKS TO SELL CARTOON CP before anyone starts patting them on the back for getting mad at something less worse than what they already did. 
    (I love that someone somewhere thinks LOTFP has a staff and that that is sentences.)
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    Twenty Quick 10th-Level Weirdoes

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    Crowdsourced here by like me and 15 other people.


    1. Einethan Sload
    Thief
    HP 28
    AC as leather +1
    Lt Crossbow: d6, Dagger: d4, 3 doses Red lotus paste poison: Save or hallucinate that are a large lightweight ball and must move like one.
    Sload is a sneering weaseling moocher raised in a SnailQuarter orphanage who has acquired his position through blackmail and graft.


    2. Grundum Razoreye
    Fighter
    HP 22
    AC as chain
    Greataxe: d10, 7 silver pieces, a sparrow's egg in a box he's trying to keep warm.
    Grundum went on one campaign and never stops talking about it, though he never mentions that he slipped away at the first sickening sight of blood.

    3. "Lizardman Pronounced Geoƒƒory"
    ƒighter
    HP 65
    AC as chainmail
    Hooked sword d8 (10% chance oƒ disarming opponent on hit), Spear made oƒ own shed tail d8 (+d8 iƒ wielder leaps at opponent)
    Lizardman Pronounced Geoƒƒory was an illiterate lizardman nobody beƒore he was press-ganged to slave aboard a pirate ship, where he rose to become ƒirst-mate and tyrannical grammar nazi.

    4. Sister Devleen, AKA "The Bad Habit"
    Cleric
    HP: 37
    AC as Plate
    Has a (war)hammer and all she sees is nails. (d6 Damage)
    Sister Devleen wants to kick ass in the name of all that is good and just, but her Detect Evil spell is always wrong.

    5. Ping
    Fighter
    HP 36
    AC as Leather +1
    Hook Swords (2): 1d8 and have an advantage on disarming opponents
    Ping is a quiet man covered in scars, as he repays any ill dealt to him ten-fold (but also does the same with kindness)

    6. Rogelio Poole
    Fighter
    HP 26
    AC as Chainmail and shield
    Battle Axe 1d8, a wine skin full of whiskey.
    Rogelio is a man of little humor and is a sucker for strong alcohol, often going into battle inebriated.  

    7. Dolph, "Avenger of the Silver Glade"
    Assassin, posing as a Ranger
    HP 40
    AC as Studded Leather
    Scimitar +1, short bow, 40 arrows, dagger ("Mr. Stabby" +3 evil sapient weapon that has %10 per night of forcing Dolph to kill a nearby human)
    Dolph hires out as an outsized, foppish ranger while looking for a way to be rid of the increasingly bossy Mr. Stabby, who has made stealthy work impossible for the assassin.

    8. Iofe the Stote
    Wizard
    28 hp
    AC as Dex 12; +1 ring
    Sling: d4, Staff: d4
    +1 Ring of protection, Black Silk Robes, Mask of Asura(grants low light vision when worn), sack of 4 Black Lotus Leaves, coin pouch.
    A laconic prodigy sold to the priests of Asura and inundated into their mysteries; she is tasked with bringing the light of Asura to the West. She has long abandoned this mandate to learn the greater dark powers of the uncivilized world.


    9. Sir Kenelm Digby
    Fighter/Magic User (Lv9/1)
    HP 41
    AC as partial plate
    Basket hilt Sword (1d8 blade/1d4 punching), brace of flintlock pistols, Powder of Sympathy (heals wounds by application to the weapon that caused them, his own invention)

    Thinks of himself as a fascinatingly multi faceted scholar (and is an FRS), is actually an arrogant, opinionated oaf.

    10. Hapa U, slug-man wizard, 21 HP

    Spells:
    1st Light, Sleep, Charm Person, Read Languages
    2nd Phantasmal Forces. ESP, Knock
    3rd Fly, Dispel Magic, Clairvoyance
    4th Confusion, Hallucinatory Terrain, Polymorph Self
    5th Magic Jar, Contact Higher Plane

    Saffron robe chased with amethysts, worth 1000sp to the right buyer
    Magic silver dagger, targets stabbed glow faintly silver for d6 hours
    Strange necklace, provides improved invisibility 1/day
    Scroll: Teleport
    Satchel with clay pipe, 2d6 doses of randomly selected drugs under pamphlets

    Hapa U, the preoccupied and thoughtful Head of the Society of Resplendent Veil (an acomist philosophical organization) , will pay well for hallucinogens of any sort.

    11. The Ever Watchful and Much Graceful Eye
    Cleric
    HP 19
    AC as chain +2
    Iron whip of chastisement (1D6 + save v. paralysis), blessed sliver chain burial shroud, book of the Dead Eye (read aloud to cause 'fear' or 'confusion' 30' radius - save vs. spells to avoid effect, reader saves at +2)
    The Ever Watchful is a frail, hateful old thing, so wrinkled and sore that it insists on being carried in a sedan chair by six voiceless musclebound novices and constantly complains about its age, digestion, the decline of the world's moral standards and the failings of everyone and everything around in a witty, cruel and insightful manner.

    12. Lefty Lucy
    Warlock (Witch)
    HP: 36
    AC: As Leather +1
    Nail-Bat (1d8+2 Damage, breaks on a natural 20 or a natural 1, both results count as a crit), Pouch of paralysis darts (no damage, target must save or be paralyzed for 1d6 rounds), Thug Whistle (Blowing the whistle summons 1d6+2 Demonic Bruisers with stats equal to men-at-arms except they have 20 HP each and are resistant to normal weapons. Bruisers will leave after one hour. Can be used once a day), Book of Favors (A book where Lucy records every favor she is owed, about a dozen come from some of the most powerful beings in the multiverse).

    Lefty Lucy is an elderly, dimension hopping service industry tycoon who dresses in an odd combination of frilly Lolita dresses and biker leathers.

    13. "Scabby" Jack Blanche
    Thief
    HP 29
    AC as leather +1
    Lt Crossbow: d6, Rapier that can turn into a toothpick 1d6, swarm of trained bees living under his hat.
    Despite the name, Jack is a handsome young rogue who travels through circles above his social rank (while wearing high heels).

    14. Dolphin Blaster the Apocalypse Son
    Fighter
    HP 41
    AC as plate +1
    harpoon: d8 and all aquatic animals of 4HD or less must save or explode, short sword d6
    A man with a one-of-a-kind accent who believes himself to be the antichrist.

    15. Hideyaki Hiroshu
    Alice (Alistair)
    HP 25
    AC as leather +3
    Staff: d6, Hardened Bowl (thrown): d4; 2d4 smokebombs; 1d4 herbal poultices
    Hideyaki appears as a poor, wizened old man; he uses his disarming appearance, rapid movement, and prepared traps and devices to "teach life lessons" - often for the pure joy of chaos.

    16. Ulan Simbalis
    Wizard/Astrologer
    HP 30
    AC unarmored, poor Dexterity
    An old man in traditional Merlin garb: robes sewn with constellations and astrological symbols; a pointed hat; a telescope.
    Spells: 1/day: Confuse Fate: Two targets within 30 feet swap their hitpoint totals for 10 rounds; Weight of Jupiter: all within a 50' radius experience a gravity a little over twice normal (its harder to move, harder to wield weapons, arrows dont fly as far, people in heavy armor are immobilized, and so on); Bad Cosmos: Up to ten targets within 50' are afflicted with crippling knowledge of the vastness of the universe and are stunned for one round and must make a difficult Wisdom save or lose 1d20 Wisdom points; if they make the save they gain 1d6 Wisdom points instead; Monks are immune.
    1/week: Black Eye: Ulan Simbalis may transform his left eye into a black hole for 10 rounds: he creates a zero gravity zone within thirty feet of his eye; as an extra action on his turn he may draw anything within that zone into his eye - a target is drawn up to thirty feet towards him and make a Dex save to avoid taking 1d20 damage, automatically repeated each round unless the target somehow extricates themself. _Shooting Star_ : Ulan Simbalis transforms into a tiny flaming star and twinkles up into the atmosphere and travels at nearly light-speed to his destination (within 1000 miles). This torches the area around him when he transforms for 10d6 damage, save for half.

    edit: a little long, I got excited. Not sure how to write a simple wizard.

    17. Grobo the Liverpuncher
    Thief
    (Half Goblin/ Half Halfling)
    HP 32
    AC as leather +2
    Cloak of Shadows (improves ability stealth and hiding roles).
    +3 Silver Short Sword of Wounding: d6 +3; causes 2 damage per following round. On a roll of a 20 his strike has pierced the liver, causing an extra 2d6 damage)
    6 powders of Mischief Making (3 dose itching (save or -4 on all attacks fro d4 rounds), 3 doses of vomiting (save or -3 on all attacks and -4 on charisma rolls for d10 rounds).
    4 bottles of perfume (Grobo suffers from chronic flatulence issues.)
    10 caltrops
    (Bag filled will skeletons of various rodents, polished and preserved).
    Miniature silver spoon and kettle, that will grow on command

    Grobo is an ugly creature, with a broken nose, and a mouth of jagged teeth. However, he is very well dressed (he favors black and red colors, and wears a black robin-hood style hat with a red feather) and an excellent orator. Beyond his thievery skills, he is also an excellent cook (soups are his specialties.) 


    18. Robhal Ford
    Finesse fighter
    36hp
    AC as studded leather +1
    Rapier d8 & offhand whip d4
    Known locally as the "leather rebel", Robhal is the pitfighter with best attention to detail in all of Tethalia: each stud on his armour and cap is shaped in the likeness of a foe he's bested.


    19.  Thuddenin Ops
    Cleric
    28hp
    AC as chain +shield
    Grappling hook on a chain d8
    The smacking bastress, priestess of Ooolt, Lord of All That Tumbles and Sprays and falls with hissing noises. Owns a pony with the symbol of her god branded feet-wide across the flank.


    20. Slocking Slinne Hoothe
    Wizard
    17hp
    AC as unarmored plus 1
    Dagger d4 Net
    Slocking experiments with glass spheres, each contains a spell but they are poorly labelled due to a curse picked up in the Nachtenstan Orches during the Underseason. In a panic, she may throw three or four at once.
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    Remove Kraken Insert Locus-less Existential Colonial Terror

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    It's likely that Lovecraft got the idea for Cthulhu from Tennyson'sKraken:

    Below the thunders of the upper deep;
    Far far beneath in the abysmal sea,
    His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep
    The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
    About his shadowy sides; above him swell
    Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
    And far away into the sickly light,
    From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
    Unnumber'd and enormous polypi
    Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
    There hath he lain for ages, and will lie
    Battening upon huge seaworms in his sleep,
    Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
    Then once by man and angels to be seen,
    In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.

    ...which does paint a picture.

    If Noisms'Yoon-Suin can be boiled down to:

    Tibet, yak ghosts, ogre magi, mangroves, Nepal, Arabian Nights, Sorcery!, Bengal, invertebrates, topaz, squid men, slug people, opiates, slavery, human sacrifice, dark gods, malaise, magic.

    ....then a poem should be more than sufficient to describe a setting.

    I imagine a Cthulhu game set in Martinique, with the tone set by Aimé Césaire's not entirely unKrakenlike Lagoonal Calendar (as translated by Clayton Eshleman and Annette Smith)

    I inhabit a sacred wound
    I inhabit imaginary ancestors
    I inhabit an obscure will
    I inhabit a long silence
    I inhabit an irremediable thirst
    I inhabit a one-thousand-year journey
    I inhabit a three-hundred-year war
    I inhabit an abandoned cult
    between bulb and bubil I inhabit an unexplored space
    I inhabit not a vein of the basalt
    but the rising tide of lava
    which runs back up the gulch at full speed
    to burn all the mosques
    I accommodate myself as best I can to this avatar
    to an absurdly botched version of paradise
    - it is much worse than a hell -
    I inhabit from time to time one of my wounds
    Each minute I change apartments
    and any peace frightens me

    whirling fire
    ascidium like none other for the dust of strayed worlds
    having spat out my fresh-water entrails
    a volcano I remain with my loaves of words and my secret minerals

    I inhabit thus a vast thought
    but in most cases I prefer to confine myself
    to the smallest of my ideas
    or else I inhabit a magical formula
    only its opening words
    the rest being forgotten
    I inhabit the ice jam
    I inhabit the ice melting
    I inhabit the face of a great disaster
    I inhabit in most cases the driest udder
    of the skinniest peak - the she-wolf of these clouds -
    I inhabit the halo of the Cactaceae
    I inhabit a herd of goats pulling
    on the tit of the most desolate argan tree
    To tell you the truth I no longer know my correct address
    Bathyale or abyssal
    I inhabit the octopuses' hole
    I fight with the octopus over an octopus hole

    Brother lay off
    a kelpy mess
    twining dodder-like
    or unfurling porana-like
    it's all the same thing
    which the wave tosses
    to which the sun leeches
    which the wind whips
    sculpture in the round of my nothingness

    The atmospheric or rather historic process
    even it if makes certain of my words sumptuous
    immeasurably increases my plight.


    The Nazi Games

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    I don't have answers to all these questions, but it seems to me far too many conversations go too far with out ever asking questions like these. People get stuck on boring, kindergarten-level questions like "Can art affect people?" (Yes) "Can art be racist, sexist, etc?" (Yes) "Can art be unconsciously those things?"(Yes) "Can fiction be racist, sexist?" (Yes, but it's relatively rare)  "Should we avoid offending people at all costs?" (No) and "Should we censor things" (No) and pretend the argument is about that. Here are some questions which are for adults.

    I chose Jewishness as an example because it is a form of marginality (however minor, in the US in 2015) that I can claim by birth--I am not, myself, religious--but these questions are still meaningful when ported to other, considerably more marginalized, groups of people. So here we go-- the easy ones are first:

    --

    1. Hitler writes a game. He intends it to clearly reflect his worldview but he's so bad at writing, no-one can understand it and it has no effect on anyone.

    Is it anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    2. The author of this game harbors no prejudice and is kind to everyone -- this is publicly known and is privately true. Or at least as true as it can be of anyone. No-one has ever even suggested she harbors any bigoted feeling or idea. She has sacrificed a great deal for the well-being of the marginalized.

    Her game is rancid with prejudice, Jews are called kikes, every race is slurred and degraded. The imagery and experience system suggests it is heroic to slaughter anyone less well-off than wealthy blonde white men--and it is written at a level suggesting it is for children. Her motives are unclear: perhaps she wrote it as a kind of cathartic exercise to purge herself of wicked thoughts, perhaps simply as an intellectual challenge to write in a voice that was not her own--it's impossible to be sure.

    However, this game is unreadable. It is written in a language that was lost forever and will never be remembered or recovered, even by the author. No-one knows anything about it.

    Is it anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    3. The motive behind the game is repulsive -- it seeks, proactively, to begin a race war. The author is unimaginably racist. No-one knows any of this.

    The game is a ridiculous failure in its secret purpose and nobody even notices the racial overtones, they are so clumsily coded and poorly written. It comes across as a charmingly inept kind of Gamma World or Mutant Future.

    A prominent celebrity of color is quoted as saying he is a fan. Its odd and accidental charm makes it not only popular but immensely, disproportionately popular among players of color. A statistically meaningful number of people who aren't white take up the hobby because of it. People who do play it generally walk away with a greater feeling of tolerance toward others than they walked in with. Universities where they study games, like UCLA and Columbia -- notice these things and report them. The results are confirmed. This goes on forever.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    4. Hitler writes a game. Or maybe Goering or Goebbels. Or the Grand Wizard of the Klan.

    Nobody knows they are the author. They die.

    The game is discovered later, author unknown. It is published, embraced. It has no content anyone ever accuses of being racist. It seems considerably less ideologically loaded than, say, Pong, to anyone whoever plays it. Let's say: even in these fraught times, it attracts less racial critique than any other RPG ever, though it is popular. The audience is skewed in no particular way. Social scientists can detect no notable change in attitude among people after playing the game. In fact: there is none.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    5. The game is produced with the best will in the world by the most progressive soul imaginable -- but not the most talented. It becomes popular.

    Because it is kind of dull or because of the social circles through which it propagates or for some other reason that's difficult to trace, the earnest (and in no-way detectably offensive) game only manages to acquire a very WASPy audience. It changes their attitudes in no way, as it was preaching to the choir. Because it is popular, it actually makes the RPG audience less Jewish and more WASPy than it already was.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    6. A Jewish person produces a game. They harbor no self-hatred. Exactly half the Jewish community finds it offensive and anti-semitic. The other half doesn't and, in fact, hails it as a vital exploration of social issues essential to the community that couldn't have been addressed any other way. It changes the game audience in no way and there are no detectable changes in peoples' attitudes about race after playing or reading it.

    Is the game anti-semitic Why or why not?

    --

    7. A white anglo-saxon protestant produces a game. They harbor no anti-Semitic feeling. Exactly half the Jewish community finds it offensive and anti-semitic. The other half doesn't and, in fact, hails it as a vital exploration of social issues essential to the Jewish community that couldn't have been addressed any other way. It changes the game audience in no way and there are no detectable changes in peoples' attitudes about race after playing or reading it.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    8. A person bearing no prejudices produces a game. It is broad and written for children and relies on stereotypes about people of many ethnicities either because they're oblivious or because they think this is a good way to get ideas across to children. It is incredibly popular among people of precisely those ethnicities and encourages everyone who plays it to learn more about those cultures. It is, in fact, more popular among a diverse audience than an earlier, less stereotype-riddled version of the same game.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

     9. A progressive person produces a game full of progressive ideas about people of all ethnicities, including Jews. It is dull and (measurably, like in a lab) makes people think these kinds of games suck.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    10. 30% of Jews say the game is anti-Semitic and offensive, 70% say it is a vital exploration of social issues essential to the community that couldn't have been addressed any other way.  It has not other measured social effect on the audience or the audience's attitudes.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    11. A person bearing no prejudice produces a game. 10 Jewish people play it and are offended and say it's anti-semitic and never play RPGs again. 10 Jewish people love it and have the best experience of their gaming lives and go on to do a great many game things. It has no effect on anyone's attitudes about prejudice except the offended people--people who like it just say it's fun.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    What if 20 Jewish people love it?

    90?

    2000?

    Only 2?

    --

    12. A game divides the Jewish community. All the Jewish people you get along with and think are smart consider it a vital and necessary exploration of their identity. All the ones you don't and think are stupid consider it anti-semitic.

    Is it? Why or why not?

    --

    13. A game is produced by a superlatively progressive person. The game is for adults. It has no measurable effect on the attitudes of adults or on the demographics of the adult audience.

    It is not for children, but if children were to play it, they have a chance of adopting anti-semitic attitudes.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --


    14. Progressive author. Fun, popular game. The game has only one sociological effect on the audience and it is measurable: people who have anti-semitic beliefs are more likely to take an anti-semitic action after playing.

    Is the game anti-semitc? Why or why not?

    If so: is beer therefore anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    15. Progressive author. Fun, popular game. The game has only one sociological effect on the audience and it is measurable: stupid people are more likely to be racist after playing.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    16. Progressive author. Fun, popular game. The game has only one sociological effect on the audience and it is measurable: mentally ill people are more likely to be racist after playing.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --
    17. Progressive author. Fun, popular game. Smart people become less racist when they play the game and understand important issues better and more viscerally, stupid people become more racist. There is no other way to address the complex issues in the game except via playing the game in its current form -- it, for example, requires people to adopt roles of real-life Jewish people who were guilty of banking-related crimes.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    18. Progressive author. Fun, popular game. The game is old: the game's measurable effect on the audience at the time was to diversify the audience and make it more progressive. No Jewish people at the time were offended. However, now, looking back, there are elements which are not as progressive as the language we use today -- however the style of the game is so dated that everyone who reads it, looks at it or plays it has a level of historical distance or irony akin to when they read the casual references to Jewish bankers in 19th century novels. It is not for children.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --
    19. Progressive author. Fun, popular game. It offends only extremely, orthodox conservative Jews who have some sexist or homophobic ideas built into their way of doing their religion. But it does offend pretty much all of them.

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    --

    20. Progressive author. Fun, popular game. No measurable effect on participants' attitudes or the wider game world's demographics. However, it is written in english and english is a language and so contains inherently racist constructions like "Hip hip hooray".

    Is the game anti-semitic? Why or why not?

    If not--how many Jewish people must claim to be offended before it is?

    --
    21. Let's assume you are not Jewish but you hold the purse strings at a company about to give money to the author of game 7 above money for another project. Let's assume that for whatever reasons you need to decide whether their game was anti-semitic or not and back that decision with your money.

    Can you? Or do you leave that to Jewish people to decide? And assuming they are split -- how do you decide?
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    Werewolves as Worldbuilding

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    Ok, so a thing about the second edition of the game Chill which is also about other games, too:

    -Start out with addressing what Chill 2e was not:

    -Chill 2e was not Chill 1e, that is: not a light-hearted Universal Horror RPG. So it took its monsters seriously.

    -Chill 2e was not Call of Cthulhu, that is: it couldn't just say "Monsters are like go read Lovecraft or else make something up".

    -Chill 2e was not Vampire or any other World Of Darkness game where the player was the monster and so, therefore, the monster had to be intelligible, fully describable and described to the player, and had to be within an arm's reach of what a person would want their own in-world player to be and act like.

    -Likewise it was not Warhammer--where the existence of the Warhammer Fantasy Battle and 40k lines meant the that mythology of the monsters of chaos was fleshed out in such a way you could take the chaos side of chaos in a tabletop battle.

    -Chill 2e was not D&D or the Marvel RPG or any other fantasy game or superhero games: that is, it didn't assume a world of magic operating on magical rules which the monster was part of. It was a horror game: magic is evil and operates as disruption. Monsters are not ubiquitous scenery that we can just assume show up now and then, each monster is a distinct mystery. Horror has to take its monsters one at a time.

    -Chill 2e was not Dread or even Night's Black Agents, both of which have enough new school in their blood to constantly remind the GM that the monsters and world as presented are not canonical and there would be no point to doing that, these are just options anyway, pick what you like best.

    -Add all this up and it suddenly becomes clear that the second edition of Chill had to do something that no other game I have played quite had to do. It had to present it's monsters as:

    *Complete and original enough to form the setting of the game.

    *Rare and shadowy enough to be a mystery the players must penetrate.

    -Thesis:

    The way Chill 2e uses monsters is the template for how the current wave of RPG bloggers (and the products they make) has most productively used monsters: as secret worldbuilding, hidden from players until they adventure into it. A compelling but wholly GM-facing fiction that only needed to be nuts and bolts enough that players could fight it in the last scene.

    The monster is no statblock or character class or random-encounter collage element--it is a piece of a new mythology, known to the GM, that the players slowly penetrate.  D&D only did this once a monster got a module about it--Chill 2e took it for granted: they don't give you a monster unless they can give you a backstory for it, and the backstory (the silver bullets, arctic hideouts and running water) needed to be penetrated to defeat the monster.

    Chill was all about committing to the monsters, reworking them into something new and spooky no matter how cranky or cliche they were. Using the mythic resonance and building on it rather than taking it as read that it needed to be replaced. Which I think is a very OSR thing.
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    7 D&Dables From Doctor Strange

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    Click to enlarge.
    365-level wizard wants you to live in this crappy castle forever instead of him

    Clock pendulum trap

    Just show them that

    The damsel you saved wasn't meant to be saved

    You are divided into several poorly-rounded selves

    Some freaks to fight

    Each star is scheming against every other

    More Dr Strange and An Opportunity for the Ladies

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    First up:

    May 16th and 17th, the best online game con -- Contessa -- is inviting women to think up and run some games. (Anybody can play, if you didn't know.) Got your own game? You can run that too. Here's Stacy:


    ConTessa is already gearing up for another game weekend. We've got this process down, and we're getting to the point where getting these weekends running is more of a science than a lot of cats running around trying to herd other cats. Or goats. Depends. 

    ANYWAY! If you'd like to GM something for us on air on either May 16th or 17th (you get to set the exact time), we'd love to have you! New or experienced, doesn't matter. All you need is a camera, a microphone, and the will to run a good game. :) 

    This time, we'll be ending registration a week early to make sure we have enough time to fill the games up with players. So, we will be closing registration one week prior to the convention on May 9th. 

    The earlier you get your game in, the more we can promote it! 

    To sign up to run a game: 

    Filth attracts filth spell

    This is just a good place for a fight courtesy P Craig Russell.
    The door leads to an ordinary hallway, pink things can be whatever you like.

    First: Purple lich rules. Second: Replace the confusing term spell 'level' with spell 'age'.
    Old spells are familiar to fewer protective deities & therefore hurt more.

    It's tough getting levels.

    There's..I can't even.

    For when Cthulhu is too classy for what you've got planned.
    Also, Zzarchov came up with some neat ideas based on last week's Dr Strange:
    The Sun god is always the good guy who turns undead and is lawful,   demons are far-away stars (based on LotFP's contact outer planes bit).

    Each star is a sun in its own right.

    Stars are lawful to those evolving on their planets, nurturing them to pick up science and civilization and shun magic and disruptive sorcery.  Other stars meddle by granting power and sowing chaos, trying to get the local populace to abandon civilization and devolve to magic use.

    Option A.) Each star hinders or helps civilization through religion to try and guide its populace towards advanced robotics prior to interstellar travel so the star can just shed off these corruptible biological entities and build itself a mobile Dyson sphere and eat the fuel of other stars.

    Option B.)  Each star is looking to turn its people into a star faring civilization to act as conduits to begin psychically enslaving other stars.

    Not sure which option I like more.   Leaving one as the story being told to the clerics and one as the story told by other stars is a good option as well, create doubt.

    There are some other nice ideas in the comments threads Zzarchov started here and my repost of it here. Ask to be added to our G+ circles to read them.
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    The Puzzling And All His Friends

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    "You ever make your own comic books, Washington?"
    "Yessir, I had one called 'The Puzzling And All His Friends;. No one but me could understand it"
    "That's what always happens"
    Some issue of Doom Patrol that Grant Morrison wrote and Steve Yeowell drew

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    Oh no it's the black knight!
    This particular black knight is a champion of the Black Wing of Tiamat. Meaning he is slated to compete with Laney (the Knight Viridian) in the coming Tourney of The Five Churches.

    Is Laney ready?

    Well, judging from this weekend's Ren Faire...

    Maybe?

    Anyway the Knight was at the top of a tower rather than patiently waiting 4 in-world days for his turn to kill people.

    Why? Nobody figured that out yet so I won't spoil it. The girls were just looking for the Heart King's missing food taster to get into said King's good graces after breaking into his castle and fucking around for a session and almost TPKing themselves.

    We had a new player -- Morgan playing Lunessa. Elf thief. Far right.

    Ladies love playing elf thiefs. Or like a lot of them do.

    Also ladies bring Cactus Cooler. Or at least Morgan did.
    Anyway ladies also apparently really like goat men, who occupied the lower reaches of the tower:



     Also, they like tentacles:

    Anyway so in this tower there was a lot of like themes going on as they say in game design.

    But also murder, so I was entertained.

    There was also another Spinneskelle--a mechanized spellcasting statue which caused no end of trouble on account of it does something in reaction to whatever you do. The team had a good idea--they had these two small picture frames--putting something through one makes it come out of the other no matter how far they are from each other.

    So Lunessa / Morgan managed to sneak up and hang that on the Spinneskelle's hand, thus separating the fiend from its wand. Rendering it harmless.

    So rock on first-time girl. Always good when a new player gets to do something cool right off.

    Now, weirdly or dumbly enough, the Black Knight had a sort of similar gimmick to the Spinneskelle because I rolled randomly and got the Hunter axe, which means he wouldn't die until he's separated from the axe.

    This was an insane fight that took over an hour because there were like 7 or 8 players and we're playing high-level 5th edition including spellcasting firepower from a witch, two wizards and a druid and they managed to make pretty quick work of the henchgoats and would've iced the knight in a round or two (despite massive hit points) if it weren't for the axe.  But he just kept coming back and nobody could figure out why. I probably would've killed someone if there weren't so many damn players that night, but I still think everyone started to hate me a little, and the Black Knight more-- but they mostly hated themselves, which is the important thing, really.

    In actual real GMing advice: puzzle monsters are a thing I think you should do increasingly in high level D&D There are just not enough hit points or AC in the world to deal with all the lunacy players will have accumulated by 10th level. This is barely a puzzle, to be fair, but it was enough.

    Eventually somebody's was like "Let's take his axe" but then you know that thing when you have seven players and one of them says what you need to do but then there's seven players so who's listening? That happened. It was a few rounds until someone was like "Yeah, let's take the axe again" and I think Twiggy actually did it.

    "It was the axe all along. Boy are we dumb."

    No, dumb would be if someone was dead.

    Then the knight became dust. Now everybody has to figure out why he was hanging out with the king's food taster in the first place.

    Then Laney used a lot of emoji and I sold a book to a publisher and a new Manson album came out so Twiggy went on tour and Stokely and Connie's had their nipples cut off for a photo but not really and then Alondra got hers pierced really and kept complaining about it and we went to Ren Faire and I had a scotch egg.

    So yeah alright.

    Black Knight you suck they owned you.

    Vornheim Costs 170 Bucks Now

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    So, yeah, the first and only printing of Vornheim (a three year old book) went for 170$.

    That's more than ten times the cover price for a 64-page black-and-white book. So if you're still on the fence about buying a second (or, god forbid, first) copy of 200ish page, full color, gold trimmed, embossed Red & Pleasant Land, there's one more reason.
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    The D&Dability of Daredevil

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    One of the great questions that faces many RPG bloggers is: When do I get to talk about comic books?

    Well with everyone talking about Daredevil on Netflix, I'm going to say rightnow.

    So here's my window to talk about the best Daredevil comics and why they're gameable.

    Daredevil is a comic of particular interest to RPG people for three reasons:

    1) Daredevil is blind. He can't see the word he interacts with. Just like your players. In the comics, we only understand what he experiences through a verbal description. Just like your players. The best Daredevil stories have grounded themselves in this sensory reality, using heard, felt etc detail to express a sense of place and movement. In fact one could argue (ok, I specifically could- and have- argued) that the whole "grim and gritty" late 80s-90s sensibility in comics really took off because Daredevil's blindness and heightened senses demanded that Frank Miller create a language which placed the reader's sensory information very close to the characters' sensory information (what John Gardner called "close psychic distance") which later got ported to Batman and the other grim and gritty character with heightened senses, Wolverine. In short: Daredevil has some great, evocative moments of sensory description. So there's something to learn for GMs there. The man who wrote Batman thinking "The rain is a baptism on my chest" in Dark Knight Returns is someone who'd already spent years describing what Daredevil felt but couldn't see. Compare:

    "Close your eyes, let the night touch you. Feel the cold, driving rain as it batters your face and soaks your clothes...hear the moan of a freight barge on the nearby east river: the haunting chimes of a solitary church bell as it tolls the midnight hour, taste air heavy with lingering fumes of rush-hour traffic long gone...smell, in maggot-ridden garbage, the stench of another day's misery in New York's Lower East Side...let the night touch you--and you will take in only a fraction of its total texture...a texture fully experienced by only one man -- a blind man--"
    --First lines of the first Daredevil issue Frank Miller wrote and drew

    "The unholy three have Matt! We've got to help him, somehow!"
    "O-oh, no--! It never ends...never..."
    --First lines of the first issue Frank Miller drew, 10 issues earlier, written by Roger McKenzie

    2) Because of coincidence or something in the very character-centric nature of the book (the book isn't usually about villains or schemes, the villains are mundane compared to more high-powered heroes, the book isn't about exploration, it's about New York and other comics already are exploring both the imaginary (Spider Man) and the hidden (Punisher) New York more than Daredevil) all of the best and most well-known Daredevil stories have an easily RPGable structure.

    3) Ninjas.

    Alright:

    The Best Daredevil Stories


    Where Is A Good Place For Newbies To Start?

    Daredevil: Born Again by Frank Miller and Dave Mazzuchelli

    Why?

    It's all collected in an easy-to-get-edition, it has a clear beginning and ending, the character's origin is mixed in there, you don't have to know anything that's not in the book and it's a fucking classic.

    What happens?

    Daredevil's archenemy, the Kingpin, finds out his secret identity and uses it to ruin his life. Daredevil goes a little crazy then sets out to ruin Kingpin's life right back.

    Why is it great?

    This is the gritty urban personal nightmare done exactly right. Flophouses, conflicted newsmen, corruption, henchmen with goofy speech patterns, subway car fights, bricks, burgers, beer bottles. This is the world of Scorcese's Mean Streets getting the closest superhero comics get to Miller's Crossing. And it's a Daredevil story so definitive every single run afterward has had to deal with it's influence, either running toward or away from the tone it set. Harold Bloom would be pleased.

    In the early issues, Mazzuchelli is within a stone's throw of what you might reasonably call "normal bronze age comic art". Sometimes it doesn't look like much, especially if you're not into the sludgy, feathery inks characteristic of 70s comics...
    Don't worry, this gives way very quickly in later issues to a sharper, more modernist take:


    ...this stuff had a HUGE influence on David Aja and Matt Fraction's new Hawkeye series, which is the talk of the town these days.

    Why is it so RPGable?

    Basically, the set-up is so easy you could do this to your players tomorrow--in any genre. They get up and wherever they stay wants them out. Whatever job they have fires them. The wizard's guild kicks them out, the taxman comes with his dobermans (dobermans were specifically bred for tax collection--did you know that?). Their allies are hired, unknowingly, by their enemies.

    Finding out all that alone could result in a session's worth of encounters and interactions even before you do anything. Then the characters have clear options: find out who did all this (it's someone immensely dangerous whose minions they've foiled in the past, ensconced in a tall tower, surrounded by assassins). Or hit the road, harried by assassins.

    In the second act, the villain starts to make things worse, striking at whoever the PCs value through proxies. The problem is: the proxies are obviously horrible to everyone, and if they can be caught the connection to the foe will be obvious, turning great powers against the archenemy.

    And there's more so seriously go get it. The seven issues of Born Again are a treasure trove of gameables, if only because--unlike other classic pop crime stories like the Big Sleep--who killed who when and why and how is actually pretty clear.


    But What If Just Being Anywhere Near Frank Miller Gives Me Hives?


    No doubt Frank Miller has said some crazy shit. Anne Nocenti, ont he other hand, not only delivers the grim and the grit and the city lights but has absolutely impeccable lefty-feminist-activist-journalist credentials.

    And her run on Daredevil with John Romita Jr is...ok, I won't say it's a classic--the run is way too long and regular comic book deadlines are way too short for the whole run to be a classic and Nocenti doesn't know narration and pacing like Miller used to (to be fair, nobody knows pacing like Miller used to), but the Nocenti/Romita run has some beautifully evocative moments, like Daredevil meeting the actual devil, both with beer...
    ...and without...


    ...and it has a stubbly Daredevil beating the snot out of the main villain in the upcoming Avengers movie using only a pick-up truck and a stick:
    ...and just generally, a lot of John Romita JR at his absolute peak, with the sense of space and weight he picked up from traditional comics shading into the stylized dynamism of his later stuff:
    Issues 275-276, the fight versus Ultron are a good place to start--then, if you're interested in seeing Daredevil in Hell, read forward, if you want the urban neo-noir, rewind to the beginning of the run with 250 (Nocenti's collaboration with Barry Windsor-Smith on 236 is also worth a look, despite the awful cover).

    Why is it so RPGable?

    Nocenti's unenviable job was to bridge the claustrophobic and moody world of Miller's run with the crossover-happy cosmic time-travelling megaverse 80s Marvel turned into. Basically, the same mid-level switcheroo every GM ahs to pull once the wizard learns Fireball. She leveled D&D up from orcs to demon princes and she did it with style--the overall plot in the Nocenti/ Romita issues is Daredevil does some Daredevil adventures, collects some bad guys, then they team up and run him out of the city. He then hexcrawls across the land running into bigger and bigger trouble until he meets Satan.

    This is basically exactly where my Vornheim campaign is headed.


    But What If I Hate Normal Comic Books And Want Something With That Classy Graphic Novel Feel?


    Then this is what you want. Miller (on art and story this time) is here assisted by his then-wife Lynn Varley, best colorist in comics and the result is magnificent and very classy. Daredevil doesn't even appear in costume the whole time (just like TV!). In fact, he's naked--and nothing is more classy than naked men.



    Though the plot is kind of a lot of set-pieces held together by spookiness (it's almost more of a Call of Cthulhu story than anything else), the fight choreography is magnificent (I've blogged these pages before...

    ...ninjas in a snowy graveyard, ninjas on rooftops, ninjas in a cathedral worshipping the Beast, ninjas leaping from morgue drawers, chains wrapping around things, chopsticks through eyes, and classy as all fuck. Enjoy.

    The larger Daredevil-Elektra metastory is totally D&Dable: she loves him, she keeps getting hired to kill him. Then she is killed. Then she's resurrected to try to kill him again. Who hasn't been there?

    If you want more of the backstory on that--or if you just want to see what Miller was like back when he was kind of a normal comic book artist--then you can read all the Miller Daredevils--he starts on art on 158 and takes over writing too at 168, finishing at 191 before coming back for the aforementioned Born Again. They're collected in volumes bearing the useful title The Complete Frank Miller Daredevil.

    It would be dumb not to also mention the Sienkiewicz-pencilled Elektra: Assassin here because it's possibly the best comic book in the world, but Daredevil's not in it, so it technically falls outside the remit of this blog entry. Plus it's a total railroad.



    But Modern Modern Modern I Want It Modern


    Then what you want is the Brian Michael Bendis--Alex Maleev Daredevils.

    Some people think they're overly talky and nothing ever happens and Maleevs sharp, photorealistic pencils are buried under and amid too many swiped backgrounds and computer filters. But then some people think Bendis' dialogue is modern wisecracky genius and Maleev is using the tools appropriate to the job.
    Either way--their Daredevil is probably the closest to what you'll see on the Netflix series in both the look and the dialogue, so if you like it, you may like them:
    I actually think the Bendis/Maleev stuff is some of the hardest to directly convert to RPGs, relying as it does on slow pacing, snappy patter and Daredevil's internal (and lonely) turmoil. But it's a surprisingly long run, especially for a relatively recent comic (50 or so issues), so there's a lot there to mine.


    Oh If Only It Were Not So Grim

    You're in luck! The runner-up Daredevil stories are pretty much all people who've had a more light-hearted take on the handicapped alcoholic Catholic urban vigilante with the dead lover. Some highlights:

    Mark Waid has done some impressive work lately with a platoon of retro-style artists including Marcos Martin and Paolo Rivera.
    Karl Kesel and Cary Nord had some good chemistry--though issues with Cary Nord on art are spaced out so it's kind of hard to read, and he was uneven anyway--and the plot's kind of all over the place. Still: as the panel above clearly demonstrates, fun.
    ...and, of course, the original Silver Age Stan Lee Daredevil comics are, well, Silver Age Stan Lee comics.
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    They Refuse To Just Die

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    It was a game I was running online and I was pretty sure everyone was going to die.

    When the last session ended the players had just failed an assassination attempt on the Deep Janeen. They were trapped in a tunnel, surrounded by his army.

    His army was dozens of older and younger temporal duplicates of all the PCs, including duplicates of the 10th level wizard, the 9th level monk, the 9th level roachman thieves and the 9th level assassin.

    They players were in a tunnel. They had been discovered. They had just lost one fight and were about to roll initiative on another.

    On paper, it looks very simple. All the PCs' badassness added together = X. Whatever was out there was at least 8X plus a genie.

    The session began.

    The wizard had a deadline, the monk had just been promoted. The roach thief showed up with the 6th level monk and a 4th level race-as-class elf. Versus an army.

    The elf and roach surrendered, the monk hid in the shadows in the tunnel. They found her.

    "Are they gone?" she said, pretending to be one of her own duplicates. She hadn't been here during any part of this adventure, they had no idea she was with the party. Also: 18 charisma.

    "Let me kill them myself, alone" said the monk. Who would buy that? But 18 charisma prevailed.

    They sent her to a dark room. But they weren't stupid: Unbeknownst to the party, the room was crawling with roachthieves hiding in the dark. This was just delaying the inevitable. As soon as they began faking their deaths, the roachthieves descended.

    And then the real roach thief-- Fiddlin Joe--said "Oh I have that thing from the Insect God where I can control any insect with lower HD than me".  And so he did.

    I rolled to see how many were lower level than him. All but one. The roachmen revolted. A thri kreen PC showed up late and sent an indigo demonbat plunging into a Web.

    A great battle ensued-- against dozens, almost every PC got knocked unconscious but their bodies were watched over by obedient roachmen. Then the assassin showed up.

    "Hey guys"

    "Ok, this'll take a second to explain..."

    Two rounds later the PCs were tied up at the bottom of the mine, surrounded by other selves. 120 feet above, the Janeen mocked them and ordered their execution. But in the complex melee in the mines of the Janeen the assassin had made his Hide In Shadows roll.

    He struck, knocking the Janeen 120 feet to the ground. The yielding stone kept the earth-spirit safe (half damage), but the roachthieves had just enough time to sleight-of-hand their hands free. In a round they had sprung onto the boss, pinning his hands and leaping on his face. The lackeys attacked, hitting hard.

    And then the assassin said:

    "Can I jump 120 feet, sword first."

    "The only way you won't take 120 feet of falling damage is on a critical hit."

    "......................I'll do it"

    Natural 20.

    And soon the empire of the Great Janeen was ended.

    People say "Oh there are so many consequences more interesting than death" maybe. But as stakes in a game? When your heart skips beats on the edge of a die roll, that's amazing.

    And unlike so many other thrills it gets more intense the more you play, because the characters get more established, more loved. 3 years of gaming and leveling and murdering were gambled on that roll.
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    Zak's Dungeon Roller

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    There are a lot of systems for randomly generating the map and rooms in a dungeon, but not many that really generate ideas to tie them together into a real dungeon.

    I think this is mostly because it's hard, there's no such thing as a generator for original ideas. However, I like this widget I whipped up for a few reasons:

    -I've found that, when running a sandbox, it's helpful to be able to take a basic hex-description-level idea of a dungeon, like "This ruin has been transformed into a testing ground which an anti-paladin uses to recruit lieutenants for his army. However, those who cleverly circumvent the tests are secretly recruited by a halfling spy working for another faction entirely" and graft that onto a sketchy or random dungeon, like, say, the dungeon Tony Dowler drew here and the rest writes itself-- this must be the arena and this must be a horsemanship test and this...

    -Character generation systems which are just slow enough and just random enough that you get the feeling of coming to know the character as you roll, going "Ok, he's a barbarian and an aristocrat, how's that work…ok, he's also an orc…ok maybe he belongs to a sort of pseudo-Mongolian steppe-nobility…" are fun, so I figure doing a dungeon that way is fun, too.

    -…and most systems I've seen to do it before haven't worked for me--they get caught up in details that make it harder rather than easier to integrate the material together into an organic whole. Central Casting: Dungeons is terrible, f'rinstance. You find out what kind of stone the chapel is made of after a few minutes rolling when what you need to know is why this fucking dungeon won't play just like the last one.

    -I also think it just helps to have a typology of the things that matter in play, so a GM has all the options laid out as s/he begins to throw together ideas.

    -Plus, in a sandbox, you need lots of dungeons. So you can roll up 5 or 10, grab 5 or 10 maps, and have some blanks to fill in at your leisure over the coming weeks.

    So yeah, this generator does that. A surprising amount of the heavy-lifting is actually done by the villain generator link at the end.

    Roll or pick for each category...




    SIZE d4

    1. One-shot
    2. Small
    3. A few sessions
    4. Big


    RATIONALE d12

    Essentially this is the main answer to the question "Why is it dangerous?"

    1. Sadistic Architect

    Some dick made this place just to watch people die in bizarre ways.

    (Jokes about how every dungeon is this because DMs are sadistic are dumb don't make them.)

    For example: Tomb of Horrors, Grinding Gear, that movie Cube


    2. Meritocratic Architect

    Someone made it to test people. Whoever survives or does best is rewarded.

    It's really hard to make a good one of these, by the way, so be careful.

    For example: Danger room in X Men, that wizard cave complex under Vane in Lunar: Silver Star Story


    3. Fuck You That's Why

    This dungeon is a funhouse in not only form but in concept: things are just there and there's either no reason (mythic underworld) or a reason so thin it could explain anything (like all the "reality damage" in Red & Pleasant Land or the dream logic in the books that inspired it).

    For example: Stonehell, any randomly generated dungeon that isn't "smoothed out" afterward


    4. Active Institution

    This place is a business, guild, temple, etc working pretty much how it's supposed to and it's dangerous because they don't want adventurers in here mucking shit up or stealing their stuff. You can roll up an institution here if you like:

    Institutions, roll d20

    1 Alchemist's lab
    2 Armorer/Blacksmith
    3 Museum
    4 Asylum
    5 Cathedral/Temple
    6 Assassin's den
    7 Monastery
    8 Guild hall
    9 Spymaster's headquarter's
    10 Zoo
    11 Livestock dealer/breeder
    12 Market hall
    13 Nest of criminals
    14 Orphanage
    15 Scholar
    16 University
    17 Library
    18 Theater
    19 Prison
    20 Arena

    For example: Library of Zorlac, Dark Tower, Zoo of Ping Feng, the thieves guild building in that Lankhmar story with the spider in it


    5. Lair/Home

    The simplest kind of dungeon--it's here because someone lives here. Almost identical to an active institution above except not as complicated--it doesn't have to have any particular product or service it manufactures for internal use or for the outside world.

    For example: Caves of Chaos and The Keep from Keep on the Borderlands, Steading of the Hill Giant Chief, House of the Medusa in Vornheim


    Note:
    While a small castle might be basically a lair/home, a true palace with extensive facilities or trade goods or administrative functions can be treated as both an active institution and a lair/home.


    6. Caged Threat

    This place's main function now is to keep the threat in rather than keep you out. In practice, keeping you out generally helps keep the threat in because you might inadvertently release the threat by looking for loot. A lot of tombs in games are basically this.

    For example: Death Frost Doom, any prison.


    7. Safe

    The main purpose of this place is to protect the valuables inside. Nobody really lives here. (Thanks to Gus below for reminding me.) If a tomb has no undead in trapped inside, it might be this.

    For example: That place at the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark (note the spiders and bugs in there aren't actually the threat--just gross. If they were, it might count as…)


    8. Abandoned Then Infested Place

    The most common kind of large dungeon, this place started life as something, fell into ruin, then beasties (often more than one kind) crept in and took up residence.

    For example: Caverns of Thracia, Dwimmermount, Mines of Moria, most megadungeons and ruined cities


    9. Active Then Infested Place

    This place wasn't dangerous until a second ago--but now it's a dungeon because things in it are trying to kill you. Unlike the active institution, it's possible nobody would mind you being here on a normal day.

    For example: The Nostromo in Alien once the alien shows up, the area Forgive Us takes place in, most buildings in zombie movies


    10. Not A Dungeon To Them

    Nobody wants this place to be dangerous to you or even particularly wants to eat you, but this place is simply dangerous by dint of its natural function. The inhabitants may be too mindless or alien to realize they pose a threat to you.

    For example: House of a giant so big he doesn't even know you're there, the inside of the patient's body in Fantastic Voyage


    11. Roll d10 on this table twice, re-roll one if you get a duplicated result

    Example of two rolls: Undermountain (Fuck you that's why, Sadistic architect),  Castle Amber (Fuck you that's why, Lair/Home)

    12. Roll d10 three times,  if you get a duplicated result, roll twice more.

    Example of three rolls: the two larger dungeons in Red & Pleasant Land (Fuck you that's why, Active institution, Lair/Home)

    Example of four rolls: Ruins of Greyhawk (Sadistic architect, Pedagogical architect, Abandoned then infested, Caged threat)




    SPECIAL CHARACTERISTIC

    Roll d8 if you're like life complicated, roll d20 if you don't

    1. Something just happened

    The status quo has just been interrupted. This is kind of like a layer of "active then infested" above except this change may make the dungeon more accessible rather than less. For example: an earthquake opens an entrance into a buried pyramid-- but it might also render walkaways and ceilings unstable, or goblins may have recently invaded from the hills, battling the lizardman inhabitants in the halls.


    2. Meta-weirdness

    There's an over-arching "thing" or trick to the dungeon, some magic complexity that enforces a weird logic on events, structures or creatures inside. Like: all the rooms are spheres nested one in the next, or moving objects in one room alters physical laws in all the other rooms, or the monsters must be killed in a specific order or they auto-resurrect. The whole dungeon is, in a sense, a big trick room.

    D100 ideas here.


    3. No creatures

    There's no monsters, only traps, puzzles and the like.


    4. Universal rule

    This is a simpler version of meta-weirdness--there's just one simple unusual thing. Divine magic doesn't work or it's too hot to wear metal armor or you can't hear anything or you can hear everything and every noise in the entire complex is audible in every room.


    5. Mobile

    The dungeon is itself mobile, or some of the rooms are. Why is on you.


    6. Time constraint

    If the PCs don't do something in time, some terrible change in the situation occurs. Players can be informed of this by an NPC, a visible timing mechanism, or in some other way.


    7. Staged access

    There are some rooms or areas that aren't accessible without finding some secret door, key, or like item that's elsewhere in the dungeon. The main thing for the GM to remember when designing the place is is: the players are probably going to have to go back through rooms they've already been through in order to search for the thingy.

    8. Doubly unusual

    Roll two results on a d8.


    9+ None

    Hey dungeons are tough enough as it is, right? Why complicate things?



    FORM

    Roll d8, or d6 for low-magic/low-weirdness areas

    1. Tower

    2. Compound (multiple buildings)

    3. Typical large building for the area and function

    4. Ruin or caves

    5. Partially aboveground (roll d4), partially below

    6. Traditional dungeon (below ground)

    7. Magically disguised as an ordinary structure

    8. Weird (floating, alive, magic hedgemaze etc.)



    VILLAINS

    This is the number of mastermind-type creatures in the dungeon. (If there are no creatures in the dungeon, this is about the architect or architects). Roll according to the size of the dungeon.

    One-shot

    D4-1

    Small

    D4

    A few sessions

    D4 exploding

    Big

    2d4

    Roll villains here.



    You can get a map here and stock it using these rooms or you can use a Madlibs dungeon like this or this or this.

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